my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
