you win again, gameday.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
