Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
