Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You took a bar mat shot.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
