I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
