Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
