i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
