ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
