my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
