What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize