There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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