I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Help me help you realize you are a moron
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
