we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
