dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
