The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
