can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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