Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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