Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
