Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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