Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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