i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
