she woke up with a sticky ear
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
