So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it because I queefed?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
