my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
