making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize