bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
