so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
