I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
