I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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