does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
