My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
