I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
