I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize