You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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