I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
