I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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