u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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