this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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