there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize