I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
