11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
