Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize