I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
