I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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