You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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