Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
