You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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