I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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