I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
