so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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