Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
