he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
