I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We're too hungover to prance.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
