Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
