I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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