9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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