so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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