I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
