dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
True college students do jello shots in the library
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