Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
