Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize