I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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