the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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