I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
