a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
