I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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