I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
