Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
