Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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