if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
