I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
why is half of my head shaved?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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