The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
