bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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