Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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