So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
