i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
