He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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