My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize