JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
