Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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