Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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