all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
