dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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