at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
