So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
