I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
