She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize