If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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