These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
