So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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