did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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