i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
