Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
