You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
