Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We named our party play list daddy issues
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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