U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
handjob tips. give me some.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Boobs speak an international language.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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