people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
