Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize