Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ruined the universe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
