I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Green mimosas i think yes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
