I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
