There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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