What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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