Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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