Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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