True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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