i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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