She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize