that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
