i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
