so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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