Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
