If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
