You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
