Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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